Veteran Soldier raps lyrics that address suicide

Other resources: Suicide Prevention Website

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Conflict and Peace: Bridging the Gap

mike muller

Michael Muller is on the Advisory Board for Thuy Smith International Outreach. He is a Vietnam veteran, has a Ph.D. in psychology, and has counseled veterans for many years.  He writes novels under the pen name of Michael FitzGordon.

Conflict and Peace:  Bridging the Gap 

For many years as a psychologist I have listened to the stories of combat veterans and former POWs.  I suppose I have heard every horror story and human atrocity there is, and more than most people want to imagine or hold.  Once a former tank commander who had some horrific experiences during the Anzio invasion ask me how I did it.  He said I had the patience of Job.  I was a bit surprised that he noticed.  I didn’t pay too much attention to how I was bearing up under such a lifestyle.  I just took it for granted.  I told him it was an honor to be present as people were growing.

War exemplifies the horror and the glory of human existence.  I guess I was focusing on the glory of people’s bravery, endurance, and laying down their lives for others.  I was not fully aware of the effect that the horror was having on me.  Recently someone was telling me how cool fighter jets were.  I knew that they would just think I was odd if I told them that yes, those machines were glorious examples of human ingenuity, but they were essentially weapons of mass destruction (WMD), which is the horror.  They are flying guns.  Guns are designed to kill.

In the United States of America we have always had people fleeing from oppression and hostile regimes.   On the other hand, some of the original natives of North America say that the USA is itself their oppressor.  Today there are many former Cubans in the USA.  Some of them would like to overthrow Castro, while others, after so many years, do not think much about Cuba anymore.  They are American.  Many have forgotten how to speak Spanish.

The former Vietnamese in America similarly have a variety of opinions and orientations toward their former homeland and its government.  These are not just intellectual opinions.  Emotions can rise to a high pitch.  They have come to live in a country where many ethnicities are loudly proclaiming their intentions to retain their cultural identity.  Yet many have forgotten their native languages.  They are Americans.

In 1066 the Normans invaded England and conquered the Anglo-Saxons.  Their two languages gradually blended into what we know as English today.  For several centuries the words of French origin were upper class, while the words of Anglo-Saxon origins were lower class.  Today it would seem absurd if someone claimed to be trying to preserve his Anglo-Saxon heritage by only speaking Old English or by wearing Anglo-Saxon clothes.  The Anglo-Saxon culture is preserved in poetry, history, and museums.  The two cultures and origins have blended into a seamless whole.  This is the future of our planet—if it survives.

At a conference in the early 1980s I asked LBJ’s former National Security Advisor, Walt Rostow, what their plans were for avoiding nuclear conflict.  His answer was just that:  avoid nuclear conflict any way they could and hope that the next generation would come up with some better answers.  There are some people who always have some kind of rationalization for why we should aggressively stick our noses into the business of other people.  They seem to think that in every country where we see some wrong being perpetrated we need to jump in and correct it.  Of course there is always some rationalization about the strategic need for surgical interventions to maintain a balance of power beneficial to the USA and, of course, the entire world.  Some fools are always itching for a fight.

Should we beat our breasts and be ashamed of our interventions in the past?  Should those bad communists be removed from whatever country comes to mind?  It is good for us to be aware of our past mistakes so that we can avoid them in the future.  It’s good, for example, that we place the history of Columbus in the proper perspective.  But what is done is done.  We have enough to do trying to fix the present without trying to fix the past as well.  Let us be forgiving and tolerant.  Here is where we are today.  Let us move on from here.  If we are going to continue to hate those who made mistakes in the past, then the world will always be full of hatred.

The best way to resolve our problems is through peaceful and nonviolent means.  We cannot underestimate the influence we have on others through setting a good example.  Negotiations, peaceful initiatives, and mutual respect are the way to the future.  If the planet survives, we will blend into a seamless whole.  We will be one human family.  If we must defend ourselves against those who take up arms against us, then so be it.  Those who live by the sword will die by the sword.  But insofar as possible, live in peace with everyone.  Pray for peace.  Struggle for peace.  The longer you can delay conflict, the more successful you are, and the more opportunity there is for peaceful resolutions.  This is a basic principle of hostage negotiation, and it is a basic principle in every sphere of life, whether individual or global.  Insofar as possible, live in peace with everyone.  Beware of rationalizations and justifications for strategic interventions.  Seek peace.  You do not want to drink deeply of the horror and the atrocities.  Do not be itching for a fight, and do not be cocky about your ability to bring it to a happy conclusion.

In every group there are always those who seem to want to stand on some ground for argument or conflict.  Discussing and dealing with conflicts is good, and is a part of daily life.  Of course there are always those who are always just itching for conflict, and who are sensitive and touchy, and therefore always seem to be involved in conflict.  If you tell them about this and they will not stop, then it is best to get away from them.  But still, every day and every life will have conflict in it, and one of our most important living skills that determines our happiness or misery is our ability to deal with conflict productively.  Sometimes we weave our way around it.  Sometimes we confront it.  Sometimes we avoid it.  In marriage it is of course best to deal directly with conflict.  Avoiding it only prolongs the discomfort or misery.  But for each of us to have the greatest chance of creating peace, we need to have self-awareness of our usual habits and style of dealing with conflict.  Look into yourself to see what you do to create or destroy peace.  As Mother Teresa suggested, those who seek to create world peace must first create peace in their own hearts.

                                                      ~ ~ ~

Learn more about Michael and his book on our website’s Featured Person Section here.

Read some of his blogs here.

MACV CORDS operations advisor, Binh Chanh District, 1970.  Briefing officer for DEPCORDS Ambassador Funkhouser to CG & staff, III Corps Vietnam, 1971.  In addition to briefing the staff he briefed visiting officials such as the Secretary of the Army.  He was in Vietnam for one tour.

Disclaimer: If you are needing more extensive assistance or counseling, there are many available agencies to assist you. No blogs are ever meant to substitute a person seeking help through professional counseling.

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Highlights from Hmong Youth Dance Tribute to ALL Vietnam Veterans

Thank you to the Hmong Youth for wanting to be a part of us. A couple of the girls are Granddaughters of Hmong Veterans. We love you girls! You were the highlight for several Veterans. Much to be proud of and we are proud of you!

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The ASA wasn’t supposed to be in Vietnam, but they were……learn more

A Vietnam Veteran shares a little bit about the Army Security Agency (ASA) and his reflections about the war in Vietnam

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Hmong T-28 Pilot shares his story and the pilots role in the Vietnam War

To see more videos and pictures, got to our website

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Congressman shares at Annual Vietnam Veteran’s Day

For more videos and pictures, go to our website

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Recognition of Purple Heart Recipients and Hmong T-28 Pilots

2013-3-9 Vietnam Veterans day-0368

To see more videos and pictures, go to our website

 

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Mayor reflects on Veteran leadership in the community and the family aspect

See all videos and pictures at our website

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City Council President remembering a friend who returned from Vietnam

Although we proposed and advocated for a state bill that passed in 2010, we also wrote and proposed a local proclamations two years in a row to the Eau Claire and Chippewa Falls City Council to continue to bring awareness to Vietnam Veteran’s Day, All Vietnam Era Veterans, and their families to the rest of the community.

Watch one of two clips from this year’s proclamation at the CF City Council here

 

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News Anchor and Daughter of Vietnam Veteran with opening remarks

One of many clips to come from Fourth Annual Vietnam veteran’s Day Community Educational Event. Can find all clips eventually archived under Blog’s Event category or at our website follow-up page

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Reflections and Acknowledgments from 2013 Vietnam Veteran’s Day

My reflections and acknowledgments about this year’s event.

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2013 Local Vietnam Veteran’s Day Proclamation Video

Although there was a state bill passed, this clip was one of two local proclamations this year that we proposed. We wanted to do this so they can help us bring greater awareness to the Day itself, annual event, and All Vietnam Era Veterans.

At the other one we had about a dozen Veterans attend. We will try to get that footage to you as well. This was the second year in a row that both councils took up the proclamation for us. This is also the first year that members from both EC & CF City Councils attended the Annual event. EC City council President and CF Mayor both shared a few words and was part of the special recognition of Purple Heart Recipients and T-28 Pilots that took place at the main ceremony.

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Next generation of Veterans share their gratitude

We love you UW Stout Veterans Club!!!!!

Thanks for honoring all of us.

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THE GREATEST MAN I NEVER KNEW DEDICATED TO MY FATHER & THE HMONG PILOTS

THE GREATEST MAN I NEVER KNEW

DEDICATED TO MY FATHER & THE HMONG PILOTS

Nock XiongPerhaps it was because I was young and selfish, thinking that the world revolved around me and that the drama during my teenage years were the only things that existed in my world.   Not only that, but I was a Hmong girl, the oldest of four girls.   My sisters and I always wondered if that’s why he never talked to us about the Vietnam Was. I know that my parents have always been chastised from other family members because they never had any sons, but my father never complained and he never showed any disappointment in us.    I don’t believe that my father ever intentionally meant to neglect telling us about his role in the war, maybe there were just some aspects of the war he just did not want to talk about.  Perhaps it brought back bittersweet memories for him.

I think that it had a lot to do with the fact that we, Hmongs, have never been ones to really “talk” and convey our emotions properly.   Every lesson taught was a riddle to be solved.   At least that was the case in my upbringing.  With the older generations, children were still meant to be seen not heard, and that is how many of those of my generation had grown up.  We sat and listened like well behave children, we were not to question anything, we were not to speak unless spoken to.  We never held hands, never hugged our parents, and never uttered the words, “I love you”.  It’s not that we didn’t love each other, nor longed to be held, to be acknowledged.  It was just that Hmong kids were taught to became adults a lot younger than our counterparts, and being adult meant being strong and holding your emotions inside.    Yet, it was that mentality that also raised us to be passive about our past which leads to our regrets when we lose the opportunities to reap all the memories, all the knowledge of our elders.

Tou VangTou Vang (My Dad Nock Xiong) -ThenI just never stopped to take the time to ask my parents what it was really like during that time.  I know that my father is a great man, but I really didn’t know just how great he really was, until this past summer.  My father is a Hmong veteran, a Hmong T-28 pilot to be exact and my mother, a Thai woman from the town of Nakom Panom.   Their youth spent trying to survive during the height of the Vietnam War in Laos.    We grew up knowing that we were Hmong, and we knew of the circumstances as to why we had to come to the United States.  I even heard tidbits here and there from my mother about my dad flying and crashing and breaking his nose, but that was the extent of it.   It was only this past summer in a muggy banquet hall in Maplewood, Minnesota that I was to truly “meet” my father.

Here we were in a hotel with a small banquet room packed full guests ranging from high ranking officials from the U.S. Air Force to family, friends, and invited guests of the pilots to see them being given their first acknowledgement of their role in the Vietnam War.  Many of the men left behind all of their belongings, photos, training certificates, uniforms, anything that would identify them as pilots of the CIA’s Water Pump program.  They feared for  the safety of their family if they were to be caught with any of the above in their possession.  So when they came here to the U.S. they all had quietly been forgotten and had no proof as to their involvement in the war.   It was only recently that these men began to reconnect with each other, and with the technology we have today, it was possible for them to start sharing lost photos, documents, and information that would eventually lead to the recognition of these men.   It was long overdue to a group of humble men, all of whom I can gladly call my “father” as well.   It was the first time in 37 years that these men were to see each other again.  For some, it had been since their departures from Laos back in the early 70’s.   Watching these once young men, now older, a little sadder, some of whom are not in the best of health… well,  let’s just say it brings tears to my eyes.  As the video tribute was playing you could see the longing of younger days,  the soft chuckles and teasing of the styles of youth, but you could see the tears, some trying to be held back at the thoughts of all their brothers who had died fighting for what they believed would let their children lead better lives.  The widows and children of the fallen pilots coming forth to receive their recognition on behalf of their fathers…for some it brought closure to the hurt of never knowing their husbands/fathers, for the resentment of being forgotten.  For many of us children in attendance that day, the memories shared by fellow pilots and their wives  was like finding a key to a treasure chest and I know for that, just like me, they are grateful.  In being there that day, I believe many of us, even those who no longer had a biological father, found that they still indeed had “fathers” and a connection to a group of extended family they never knew as well.  We all discovered how difficult it was for our fathers to learn how to fly.  They flew on outdated equipment, they flew in terrain that was treacherous to take off and land in, and not to mention in all weather conditions and even at night.  They flew endless missions knowing that they may never return home to their loved ones.  We learned how wives and mothers had to become fathers as well and care for the home and well-being of the children while the fathers were away, or for the fathers that never returned.  We learned that being Hmong meant being brave and smiling on the outside, even if you were dying on the inside.  It meant living for the next day, living for your children and the future of your children no matter what obstacles were thrown in your way.   Even if it meant sacrificing everything you owned materialistically.  I learned a lot about my father that day, but all unspoken by him of course, as it was always his way to be a quiet man, but a man whose actions mean even more to this day.

All my life, he has tried to give us the best of a western life as well as trying to make sure we would remember and respect the ways of the Hmong .    He came to the U.S. with a little English speaking skills and learned to adapt quickly.  He worked quietly day in and day out to provide for our every need and wants, but he never neglected our family.  There were weekend picnics at the beach, fishing trips, and family vacations to even Disney World.  Even though he wanted us to have an “all American” life, he also taught us to remember and respect the Hmong ways of life because no matter “what color you dye your hair, speak English, and act like you are not Hmong” you will always be Hmong and one day you will come back to love who you are.   As others may squirrel away money for a rainy day, I collect memories for the days when my children are grown and I am alone so that I may withdraw these precious moments to keep me company and bring a smile to my old wrinkled face.   I believe that that time has come for me and I am sure for many others like me to acknowledge this…I do love the fact that I am Hmong, and I cherish everything I can learn about my heritage, and I wear it as my badge of honor for the greatest man I never knew.  I may not have ever hugged him, I may never have held his hand, and I have never so much as whispered the words “I love you dad”, but it is never too late to start, and I encourage all of you to take the time and do the same today.

Nock Xiong

My organization and Congressman providing a certificate of Appreciation from both of us to Nock for her father who wasn't able to attend our Annual Vietnam Veterans Day event this year.

My organization and Congressman providing a certificate of Appreciation from both of us to Nock for her father who wasn’t able to attend our Annual Vietnam Veterans Day event this year. I was also honored to be a part of the first Hmong T-28 Pilot reunion. It was very moving and inspiring.

 

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My Unknown Soldier

Guest post: A unique connection between Jessica (Granddaughter of a Vietnam Veteran) and Tracey (Daughter of a Vietnam Veteran) who owns this particular blog- My father’s Notebook. Learn more about this new connection from Jessica’s perspective. 

My Unknown Soldier
by Jessica Zumhingst

It is quite a strange feeling to have such a strong connection to someone you never got to meet.  To never really know anything about them, but to always have a curiosity and longing to know more about their life.  For the past 25 years of my life, this has been my relationship with my maternal grandfather.

As a young girl, I didn’t think too much about why I never got the opportunity to meet my mom’s dad.  I am an only child, as is my mother, so it is not like the topic came up all the time at huge family gatherings.  Nobody ever really talked about my grandfather’s death all that much.  All I knew is that he died serving our country.

Clevenger_William_Henry_ April 26, 1969.My grandfather was William Henry Clevenger, a Sergeant Major in the United States Army.  I remember the day that I finally took the time to closely inspect the various medals that my mom had displayed in the living room.  This was the day that I first longed to know more about my grandfather and his life.

My mom didn’t talk about her father all that much.  He passed when she was just a freshman in college.  She would mention him in stories about her childhood, but I never really inquired about his time in the Army. I knew it was a painful subject for my mom and I didn’t want to upset her.  I decided to look to the Internet in my pursuit to know more.

In 2002, I found the Virtual Wall website.  I saw a picture of my grandpa, the same picture that was framed with his medals in my living room. I wrote a short quote from a patriotic song.  I was only 14 at the time and I didn’t know what else to write.  I set up my email address as the point-of-contact for his memorial.  About a year later, I was brought back to the website to find a post from Colonel Carl M. Mott Jr. about my grandfather.  Along with kind words about serving with Sergeant Major William H. Clevenger, he included a photo of the two of them.  This was my first small glimpse of my grandfather’s role in the Army.  According to Colonel Mott Jr., my grandfather was a “natural communicator” and the “finest Sergeant Major [he had] ever known.”

My own father enlisted in the Navy when he was just 18 years old and by this time in my life I was old enough to listen to his stories about Vietnam.  He told me what life was like in Vietnam and explained to me what his role and my grandfather’s role was over there.  My dad also told me about the letter his mother sent him telling him that my mom’s father had been killed. I knew that I could never begin to understand the pain that my mother had gone through as a young woman.

During the following years, I did gain the courage to ask my mom more questions about my grandpa and to explore the various websites that I found on the Internet regarding the war.  I never got the chance to visit the actual Vietnam Memorial in Washington D.C., but I did visit various traveling walls and took rubbings of my grandfather’s name.  My childish curiosity had transformed into pride. I may have not known much about my grandpa, but I did know one thing: I was proud to be his granddaughter.  I was determined to honor him and tried to do so in various ways.  I became more vocal about my connection to war and my grandfather.  I wrote a number of poems and research papers about WWII and the Vietnam War for my schoolwork in high school. Videos and books about war were now of interest to me.  I later went to college and became a teacher.  Every time a new school year would begin, I would consciously take the time to talk to my students about the importance of the Pledge of Allegiance and National Anthem and all about the sacrifices our soldiers make so that we can be free.

This past Veteran’s Day, the same day as my 26th birthday, I typed in my grandfather’s name online in hopes of finding a new story or photo posted of him.  Boy did I find a surprise!  I found a blog written by Tracey Wolfe about her father, Glen “Pete” Johnson.  Mr. Johnson arrived in Vietnam at the young age of 19. I read Tracey’s blog about looking for a certain name on the Wall- a man that her father had looked up to and considered a father figure during his time overseas.  That name was William H. Clevenger.

I couldn’t believe what I had stumbled upon! Her beautifully written blog detailed how her father had kept a piece of paper with my grandfather’s name on it in his wallet and how she and her family had searched to find his name on the memorial.  She also shared her father’s writing about the morning my grandfather was killed and how her father was the one who had found his body outside the bunker.  I immediately called my mother and read her the blog post.  It was hard to read some of those words out loud while fighting back the tears.  At first, my mom was quiet on the phone.  I knew the words had touched her.  She was just as surprised as I was.  I read her my response to Tracey’s post and told her that I would let her know if anything else was posted.

Katie&Jessica2It was then that I received an email from Thuy asking if it was okay if she gave my contact information to Tracey and her sister.  She told me that they would like to correspond with me.  I was a bit hesitant, only because I did not feel like I had much information to offer, but I told Thuy that it was fine with me.  Tracey contacted me via email a short while later.  She told me more about her family and the amazing man that her father was.  I gave Tracey my mom’s contact information and she contacted my mom as well. Tracey’s mother, Sally, has also shared such touching stories with us about her young husband leaving for Vietnam just weeks after they were married.  Reading their stories has made me both laugh and cry and I feel so blessed to have connected with such wonderful people.

Words cannot express how much this newfound connection has meant to my mother and I. Both sides agree that our angels in heaven definitely had a hand in it!  For the first time, my mom and I are able to have in-depth conversations about her childhood and my grandfather’s life.  I have learned so many things about the both of them.  In a way, our connection to Tracey and her family has started the healing process for both of us. I am so glad that my mom and I can finally talk about something she has kept bottled up for so many years.  As for me, I never realized that I had anything to heal from.  I guess in a way I did.  I would like to take a moment to share some of the information I have learned about my grandfather and his service to our country.

William Henry Clevenger was born in 1919 in Columbus, Indiana. He was an incredibly bright child with a bit of a rebellious side. He had 4 siblings, 3 sisters and a brother, but when he was young his mother moved with his siblings and left him to stay with his aunt and uncle. My mom thinks this was because he was a little “hard to handle.” He graduated from high school when he was only 14.  Like I said…I have been told that he was VERY smart (he was the kind of person that could do freakishly long math problems in his head…a gene his granddaughter did not inherit!) He actually joined the Army when he was only 16 years old, even though he said he was 18. When the army found out that he was not 18, his aunt was able to sign and give him permission to stay.  For about 30 years, the Army was his home.  He served in WWII, the Korean Conflict, and Vietnam.  My mom thinks he stayed in the Army so long because it was the one constant in his life and he felt secure there.

My mom, Katie Clevenger, was born in 1950 at Fort Devin in Massachusetts.  She moved all over the United States as a child, which was tough for her because she never felt like she had the time to really get accustomed to any one school.  In 1964-65, my grandpa went overseas to Germany.  According to my mother, my grandfather enjoyed going to Germany more than anywhere else.  My mom and my grandma were going to move there, but there was no available housing for them and my mom would have had to go to a boarding school.  When my grandpa returned to the states, the family moved around a lot.  Throughout my mom’s childhood, they lived in Massachusetts, North Carolina, Virginia, Kansas, and Hawaii.  My grandpa spent some time working at the Pentagon when they lived in Alexandria, Virginia.  Meanwhile, my grandma held different government jobs at the army bases and one at an air force base.  They were able to settle in Seymour, Indiana because my grandpa taught ROTC about an hour north at Indiana University. After that, he was sent to Vietnam. He was stationed at Tay Ninh Base Camp.

According to my mom, my grandpa never talked about Vietnam or anything having to do with war. He kept that part of his life to himself. He would write letters, but they were always short and to the point. On the morning of June 6th 1969, an attack took place on the camp at Tay Ninh. The camp was hit with over 200 rounds of rockets and mortars.  The base suffered shrapnel damage and some buildings caught on fire. My grandfather, SGM William H. Clevenger, was gravely wounded and could not be saved. When he was killed, my mom was only a freshman at Ball State University (she later became a second grade teacher for 37 years). My grandfather was 48 years old and would have been eligible to return home to my mother and grandmother just two months later.  His name now appears on Panel 23W Line 084 of The Wall.

My pride for my grandfather has only grown with each new piece of information I have learned.  I have always been proud to be his granddaughter, but I feel like my connection to him has deepened.  Every morning when I say the Pledge of Allegiance with my Kindergarten students, I think of him.  Every time I see a flag flying on a front porch, I think of him.  Every night when I lay my head down on my pillow with my husband and my dog, I think of him.  I am thankful for his sacrifice and the sacrifice that all the brave men and women that serve our country make.  I can only hope that my grandpa is looking down with as much pride for me as I have for him.

I would also like to express my gratitude for Tracey Wolfe and her entire family. Thank you for your heartfelt words and for sharing your experiences and stories with my mother and I.  Also, thank you to the Thuy Smith International Outreach for making this connection possible. God Bless you all!

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Hmong Veteran, former prisoner of war shares some of his story

Hmong Veteran, former POW who served during the war in Vietnam, shares some of his story including on how he escaped

Part Two

*First Annual Vietnam War Era Symposium-2012 hosted and organized by Thuy Smith International Outreach

*We do not endorse any one political or spiritual view. We allow our guest presenters to share from their experiences / perspectives, one of many. Take what resonates with you, put aside what does not. We are merely a platform for various views, perspectives, and voices.

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Vietnam Veteran shares his story from a Native American perspective

Gary Quaderer is highly involved with his community and culture today. He is also very involved with supporting his fellow Veterans. Gary is a very humble and spiritual man, who is well liked and highly respected.

*We do not endorse any one political or spiritual view. We allow our guest presenters to share from their experiences / perspectives, one of many. Take what resonates with you, put aside what does not. We are merely a platform for various views, perspectives, and voices.

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PTSD- Spirituality & Art

-A couple of reflections from two Veterans who represented our Veteran Panel at the 2012 Annual Vietnam War Era Symposium regarding question from audience member.

-Comment from Audience member regarding PTSD and Art

*We do not endorse any one political or spiritual view. We allow our guest presenters to share from their experiences / perspectives, one of many. Take what resonates with you, put aside what does not. We are merely a platform for various views, perspectives, and voices.

Disclaimer: If you are needing more extensive assistance or counseling, there are many available agencies to assist you. No blogs are ever meant to substitute a person seeking help through professional counseling.

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PTSD- Both a negative and a postive. Vietnam Vet / Counselor reflects

Michael Muller is on the Advisory Board for Thuy Smith International Outreach. He is a Vietnam veteran, has a Ph.D. in psychology, and has counseled veterans for many years.  He writes novels under the pen name of Michael FitzGordon.

Learn more about Michael and his book on our website’s Featured Person Section here.

Read some of his blogs here.

MACV CORDS operations advisor, Binh Chanh District, 1970.  Briefing officer for DEPCORDS Ambassador Funkhouser to CG & staff, III Corps Vietnam, 1971.  In addition to briefing the staff he briefed visiting officials such as the Secretary of the Army.  He was in Vietnam for one tour.

Disclaimer: If you are needing more extensive assistance or counseling, there are many available agencies to assist you. No blogs are ever meant to substitute a person seeking help through professional counseling.

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Posted in Events & presentations, Mike Muller, Psychologist, Vietnam Veteran

Vietnam Vet reflects on the experiences & transition of Veterans

Paul Kluge

Supporting Our Troops                                    Paul Kluge

Along with drill sergeants and discipline, our military recruits almost always discover varieties of people they never knew existed, American or otherwise. They are likely to find themselves dealing with cultures and belief systems they have only heard about or read about.  Seeing the world through military eyes can be an eye opener for the sailor, Marine, soldier, or airman.

For some veterans this awareness is a distinct surprise but over a period of time becomes normal as the familiarity grows and strangeness lessens.  Later, however, after returning home from service the veteran can feel a distance between him/herself and the old home life.  A negative sense of being treated differently than others is common.

Serving our country is a long and lonely business.  Those who have been exposed to the combat side of war very likely have more and different experiences that separate them from the rest of us back here at home.  Too often the returning veteran simply stops talking about what is important to him or her because, as the veteran quickly learns, there is no way for others to understand.  The phrase “you had to be there” comes to mind, and no one wishes for that.  Whatever the veteran says or shares is likely to seem inadequate or vague to the civilian world, and the combat veteran goes to great lengths to avoid being asked questions along the line of, “how many people did you kill?” Asking such questions is typically seen by the veteran as degrading and even haunting to himself as well as the memory of those who have died or been maimed, or died needlessly in wartime.

These veterans quickly learn that family and friends can no longer connect with them in the familiar old ways.  There may be a sense of now understanding how the world really works that the homebodies just don’t get.  But what has changed?  Has the veteran simply drifted out of the home-loop while away, or maybe the veteran really has just “wised up?” Have the family and friends inadvertently left behind the serviceman in their busy lives, and somehow the serviceman no longer fits into the same family/friend groove?  The consequences may be unintentional but they are real.  Frankly, all answers fail to change the fact that the veteran is in a cold and lonely place.  Conversations with most non-veterans may be limited now–others, the civilians, can’t understand and they tend to prattle on and on with the trivial matters of concern to few, but especially the veteran.  It can suddenly be difficult for the veteran to trust others. The others want to know but won’t listen.  And when those others fade out or fade away after no longer being entertained or not hearing the expected, the veteran is likely to withdraw further.  Returning from active duty too often ends in a cruel result from honorable and meritorious service, especially when that duty has been in stressful circumstance and in a combat zone.

Our culture goes to great lengths connecting the illusion of glory and the reality of war.  It is the returning warrior who knows there is no such connection, and the disconnect becomes greater with the passage of time spent back from the battle.  And when family and friends are not able to make an honest connection with the veteran, the sense of isolation and separation for the veteran will likely become greater rather than be diminished.  Then, as always, it is not only the veteran who suffers, but also the family, the friends, the employers, and society.

As good Americans we’ve made it a point in recent years to remind our military people and their families that we “Support Our Troops.”  We attach and apply the bumper stickers, yard signs, and magnetic messages just about everywhere.  Yet, we may wonder from time to time if our efforts are appreciated and if we are doing enough.

Yes, these efforts are appreciated but maybe there is more many of us can do.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has become a clinical term most of us are now familiar with.  Regardless if a person was in combat or not, the accumulation of emotionally wounding duties and experiences can create bigger and deeper obstacles towards making hometown adjustments.  As more has been learned about PTSD, we’ve realized this disorder goes back a long way.  In World War I a condition known as “Shell Shock” became a disabler of troops.  World War II and Korean War authorities attributed similar casualties to “Combat Fatigue.”  The official sounding name, PTSD, came along after Vietnam Veterans began experiencing serious and similar problems blending back into society.  Surely one of the reasons Vietnam Veterans suffer as much as we do is that during those painfully divisive years of our war,  society was not willing or able to offer an accepting and healing environment.

There are other cultures and countries who have done better than we, and have welcomed their returning soldiers in ways that allows the veteran to feel different but normal or even enlightened.  The Native American culture is an excellent example of this.  It is understandably difficult to advance through life while still tied to the trauma and sometimes the guilt that can be associated with PTSD.  Why is it expected that our veterans “get over it?”  Indeed.  We want to.

For any of us—for all of us, connecting with veterans can be a pleasure as well as an honor.  If your offer of renewed friendship isn’t openly accepted, please be patient.  There are good reasons for this.  The duties, experiences, and stress of war and wartime affect people in many and different ways.  Let your veteran know that you recognize a change or difference in your relationship, but that you are willing to accept this new relationship on terms he or she can accept, and in an open time-frame.  Everyone wants and needs trusted friends who are willing to listen and who accept us as we are.  Everyone.

During a Memorial Day Service some years ago at Fort Snelling, St. Paul, I was approached by a stranger who asked about my service some 20 years previous.  After a brief explanation of service in the Vietnam War the stranger delivered three stunning words to  me before drifting away; “Welcome home, soldier.”  It was a new concept to me; something I had not before been told.  Immediately tears ran down my cheeks.  But it was a healing moment.   Perhaps it was the simplicity or maybe the sincerity of those few words, but somehow the service to my country was made complete by that moment, my homecoming made real, and I was now welcomed back and again complete.  Whatever it was or is, I will carry that feeling and that message from a stranger with me always.

Not all veterans carry traumatic memories or suffer nightmares from conflict, but it may be fair to say that it is veterans who carry not only the burdens of our wars—doing what must be done; it is also they who, long after the hostilities have ended, mourn for us all.  It is the veteran who  continues to feel the pain, not because of any implicit understanding of war—far from it, but because they are the ones who know war never can be understood.  If you don’t know how to “Support Our Troops,” don’t be afraid.  Please reach out when you can, as you can, and do your best to understand, and especially to continue listening when there is no understanding.  Your efforts are appreciated more than you know.

Disclaimer: If you are needing more extensive assistance or counseling, there are many available agencies to assist you. No blogs are ever meant to substitute a person seeking help through professional counseling.

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